Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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