Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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