is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize