I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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