this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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