I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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