Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize