Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
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is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I love you.
Bad choice
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