u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize