it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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