we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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