I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you inspire me to be a worse person
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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