Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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