We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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