Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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