My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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