Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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