I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
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Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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