I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
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I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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