you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
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