He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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