The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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