I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize