new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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