When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
from now on my penis is your penis
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize