i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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