She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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