i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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