Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
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I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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