When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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