the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize