My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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