First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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