Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
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Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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