My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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