singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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