when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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