If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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