you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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