Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize