i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize