It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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