why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
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How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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