What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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