I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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