One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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