is your mom at the bar?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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