Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize