Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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