I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
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i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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